How to be a Witchy Parent
by NandaSC
Summary: Parents tips from the wittiest witch ever, Faye Chamberlain. - This was for Fayana Week Day 1: Being Parents.


** | How to be a Witchy Parent |**

by Faye Chamberlain

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights over The Secret Circle's characters.  
A/N¹: This is for Fayana Week Day 1: Being Parents.

_**– Don't be afraid of getting dirty. Shit (also piss and vomit) happens. Man up and deal with it.**_

"DIANAAA! HE FREAKING PEED ON ME AGAIN!"

"I guess the protection spell didn't work, huh?"

—

"Mommy, I don't feel so good—blergh!"

"Aww, baby… I'll go get you something that will make you feel better. Honey, clean this up for me, please?"

"NO WAY I'M GONNA CLEAN THAT UP! Let him do it like dogs, and eat it again!"

"FAYE. NOW."

"I better learn how to cast some cleaning spells asap …"

—

_**– Raising a kid is NOT like raising a dog. Although sometimes it could be…**__  
_  
"C'mere boy! C'mere! Good boy! Who's mama's boy? Who?!"

"Faye, he is a baby, not a dog"

—

"FAYE! DONNOT PLAY FETCH WITH OUR CRAWLING CHILD!"

—

"Diana! Honey! Come here see this trick I just taught him!"

"What is it this time?"

"Wait… Henry, look at what I have here! A cookie! Do you want the cookie? Walk to mama to get it. C'mon boy! That's it… closer… closer… now sit! HA! Good boy! Here's your treat! Did ya see, babe?"

"Faye, for the last time, he is NOT a dog!"

—

"COULD YOU STOP RUNNING FOR JUST ONE SECOND?! OH, THAT'S IT! I WILL GET THE DOG'S LEASH!"

—

_**– It takes some time and a good amount of patience to get your kids to learn what they can or cannot do. You must always stay calm and explain to them the reasons why and the consequences. Patience is a virtue. But it does wears way too thin when your kid messes with your personal collection or plays with your very fragile and rare crystals set…**__  
_  
"Diana, I think our kid is throwing stuff front the shelves to the ground again"

"He's throwing your 70's New Wave CD Collection actually"

"HE IS WHAT!?"_  
_

"Henry… what did mommy said about playing with your mama's crystals?"

"Mommy said 'No'"

"Yes, mommy said 'no'. Now go give it to your mama."

"C'mon on, gimme, sweety. Wait, Henry, no! DON'T— throw it…"

"I told you should have put your set of crystal locked in the basement"

—

– _**As a parent, you will always be challenged. So you better be prepared to face your worst nightmares at any giving day.**_

"DIANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

"OH MY GOD, WHAT IS IT?!"

"WHAT THE EFFING DEVIL'S SPIRIT IS THIS?!"

"OH! That….. Henry wanted a clown's party for his birthday. Didn't I tell you?"

"NO! YOU DID NOT! THANKS FOR THE HEADSUP!"

"Oh, honey I totally forgot about your fear of clowns! I'm so sorry!"

"What spell can we cast to erase our child's bad taste for clowns?"

—

"How was the park, Henry sweety?"

"I waz playing ball and I ran far, and then I didn't see mom…And then I waz scared, and I lady helped me find mommy…"

"Faye…"

"Honey, don't freak out…"

—_****_

– One may not always be enough, so you may always go for another one, because two's always company, right? But sometimes, with the second one may come a third, and third's always a crowd. And this is the part where I advise you to ALWAYS double check conceiving spell if you are NOT planning on having twins.

"WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO CRY AT THE SAME FREAKING TIME?!"

—

"Faye, honey, can you go bath Sarah while I breast-feed Eliza?"

"Which is which again?"  
**  
**—

"Gimme! I wantz it! Gimme!"

"NO! It'z mine! You haz yours!"

"Look at Sarah all right and bossy!"

"Go stop the fight, Faye"

"No, seriously! LOOK, LOOK! She is even doing the 'do not push me' look!"

"Faye,…"

"Yes! That face! She's definitely your daughter, Di"

"Are you seriously gonna be teasing me right now instead of ending the fight?"

"I'm going, I'm going!"  
**  
**—  
**  
**"No, baby, you are doing it wrong! Look at your sister Sarah and your big brother Henry! That's how you hold a spoon"

"It's amazing how she has your natural talent with spoons, as it seems. She's definitely your child, honey…"

"Wait until I teach her how to balance it on the nose"

"Oh, please don't you dare, Faye"

—

( watch?v=tdylQeg5B9I&feature= )  
"Holy shit, babe! Eliza really has zero balance whatsoever! Sarah is doing well, but that girl was born with two left feet!"

"I wonder who she got that from…"

—

( watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FPV9REdydKY)  
"God, look what you made our daughter do!"

"What?! If this is anyone's fault, then it's yours, Diana! Signing her up for ballet classes?! She should be doing something cooler!"

"Faye, for the last time, we're NOT signing our 2 year old daughter for karate classes!"

"Well, she's clearly a wasted talent!"

—  
**  
**"DIANA! THERE'S A TEA PARTY GOING ON IN OUR BED!"

"OH GOD! DON'T LET THEM FEED THE DOG FAKE FOOD AGAIN!"

—

"But, but…!"

"No but's! Go to your room, Eliza!"

"But I'm Sarah, she's Eliza"

"Whatever! You are both grounded anyway!"

—

"Eliza Chamberlain-Meade, go do your homework now!"

"MOM! I'm Sarah!"

"I guess I need a spell to tell me which one is which then"

—****

_**– Don't take parenting too seriously. It is not a job. Raising a kid is your last chance of being stupid and young. So have fun while you can, because these little bastards grow up so freaking fast.**_  
**  
**_( watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q)_  
_"(…) When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand And he said to the man that was running the stand Hey. You got any grapes? The man said no, like I said yesterday, we just sell lemonade okay? Why not give it a try? The duck said goodbye. Then he waddled away. He waddled away. He waddled away Till the very next day."_

"…Are you all four done now?"

"Oh c'mon, Diana, they love this song!"

"…"

"'Do not push me, Faye' face detected! Ok, ok! We'll stop! Right kids?!"

"…._ THEN HE WADDLED AWAY! HE WADDLED AWAY! HE WADDLED AWAY!_ …"

"Could at least put me in a sleeping spell or something?! FAYE!"

—

"4… 1, 2,… 5…"

"7, 6,…5…3… Doing great, buddy"

"Oh god! He is not going to college if you keep this up, Faye!"

"But is SO MUCH FUN!"

—

"Wait! What are you both wearing?! What happened to the costumes I got you two?"

"Eliza wanted to be her big brother this Halloween, so I put some of his stuff on her. And she wanted me to be uncle her Adam… Can't you tell the resemblance?"

"Faye,… that is a Drag Queen costume"

"What'z drag queen?"

"Yeah, Diana… what's a Drag Queen?"

—

"Henry, stop playing with your tooth, sweety. If you trip you can—"

"OPS! Sorry there, buddy! Didn't see ya!"

"BAAAW! BLOOD!"

"Oh honey…! Your tooth fell off!"

"Hey! Mazeltov! You're a man now!"

"Faye! Stop teasing him! He's crying!"

"What's the big deal? Hey, big guy, gimme this tooth! WOW! It looks pretty! Thanks, buddy, I needed a new tooth! How does it look?"

"Ha ha ha! You look funny, mommy!"

"Oh, do I? Do I look good with it, babe?"

"You're a dork."

"An adorable one, I hope"

—

– _**They can pee on you, make you chase them like an unleashed dog, break your favorite crystal, scare the crap out of you when you think you miss them at the park, make you stay up every freaking night during months (even after all grown up), and they can even make you wear ridiculous costumes, but in the end, there is nothing you wouldn't do in exchange to hear them say…**_

"I wuv you, mama!"

—

"We love you, mommy!"

—

"Love you, mom!"

—

The End.


End file.
